There aren’t any single good men around living in New York City. It seems like that’s what everybody says to us. And when Deanna* moved to the city in the late 2021 and was able to investigate if there’s any truth to the statement. Newly single after the boyfriend she had been with for three years separated from her via Snapchat, Deanna joined Hinge and Tinder. It was around this time that a private Facebook group named Do You Dating the Same Guy NYC appeared as a recommended follow. The group offered a thorough survey prior to screening and guidelines for the community which served as a barrier to entry. It was also at 43,000 active members. Deanna was interested and so she joined.
The community
The group, which was started with the very specific intention to assist women in determining whether they were being contacted by another person-was launched in March 2022. Each major US city has a similar group now and the rules are clear: Anyone has the right to make posts anonymously, there’s no doxxing or sharing sensitive information, and under no circumstances should screen captures be removed from the community. There is no bullying, no victim blaming or hateful remarks. Never inform a man that he’s seen on the list.Join Us https://datingfortodaysman.com/ website Following the scandal that of West Elm Caleb, one of the men with whom a lot of women from New York shared negative dating experiences and linked the dots online, it seemed like a lot of women were searching for a method of sifting out others who had similar experiences to. As one TikTok user was saying on the subject This is why we need an app where we can leave reviews of guys we’ve dated on Hinge.
That’s more or less the way this group was before Deanna joined. Each iteration of Are We Dating the Same Guy serves as a gathering location for women who are seeking romance advice or warn about people with whom they’ve had unpleasant dating experiences. Loyalty-testing long-term boyfriends-that is the practice of sending other ladies to be enticed by them on social media-has also become common. It’s all too easy to get lost in a tunnel of screenshots of Hinge profiles, tales of bad hookups and memes about the perils of modern-day dating. Some of the most popular posts include photos that show a man wearing his first name, asking whether anyone has met or dated the person who is on the profile. Red-flag emoji are a frequent sight on seemingly unimportant but alarming posts advising the group of a former lover or a bad experience usually accompanied by the downward arrow as well as the frightening text See comments for more info.
The popularity of online dating has been a major factor in the scene in recent years the last few years, with one study revealing that approximately 39 percent of heterosexual couples had met their partners online. It’s therefore natural that the social aspect of romance is changing to the online age. Instead of meeting with some of our friends at a bar or discussing issues with coworkers, we are now seeking the counsel of 433,000 women who have had similar, and sometimes very similar-experiences.
It’s demystified this idea that dating is easier for some women than it is for others, says Ellie,* another group member. Not to say that there aren’t some advantages that exist however, it was helpful for me in terms of rethinking my view of dating. There’s no competition between women but instead holding men to a more high standards than what I was used to before.
It’s not lost on me, however, that some of the conduct that is facilitated and encouraged in Are We the Dating the Same Guy could be an issue if displayed by potential partners. Images, the details of private conversations, and screenshots that are posted without the permission of the other person or knowledge are aplenty. Users search through social media accounts on a nearly daily basis. And it doesn’t take much to have a relationship into the spotlight. While Deanna enjoys being part group, she has reservations. Sometimes you see people posting ‘If he wanted to, he would’ about paying for things or picking you up in an Uber, she adds. But I’m convinced that you’ll encounter the issue that it’s a echo chamber of ‘Men’s repeatedly pushed us for so long that we’re going to do it right back.
We still live in an era of patriarchy
We are still an age of patriarchy. So until we’re truly equal, these online interactions will be different in their impact based on the background of each individual. However, can a such a group really be committed to empowering itself on one side on the other hand and be a source of reprehensible to the point of being incensed on the other? Are We All Dating the Same Guy? Is it hyperlocal and interconnected, which is only beneficial to people who live and meet in the city the group is based in. The women and people they blog about could be your neighbor and coworker or friend, family member, or most latest Hinge match. But there’s a lack of personalization that occurs when operating on the internet, making it seem like something you play. It’s not too far to say that this could be a criticism to the date-related information in both of the groups. Especially when the details about private interactions, conversations, and even photos are being published without their knowledge or consent, often just for the sake of entertainment.
